10,000 reasons to re-write and 90 minutes to do it.

Spoiler Alert! If you are intending to watch these films for their content and plot-lines, you will be disappointed. I'm going to go ahead and guarantee that now.
To watch these movies from start to finish you must forget that good filmmakers exist completely. Simply immerse yourself in the inconsistencies of the story and unnecessary gore and nudity.
Experience-enhancing substances are recommended.

Birdemic: Shock and Terror does not even register as a real movie to most.
*Don't edit your next film using the steady-cam you shot it on!

As a film with a ridiculously low budget ($10,000), it really should not be distributed.
American Netflix, for shame.

But, seeing as it has an IMDB rating of 1.9 and IS on American Netflix, it finds itself to be the first victim of this blog. And so, it begins.

First of all, the acting is terrible.
There are two main characters in the entire film and they are about as developed as a six year old boy.

Rod is a part of a software company. Or something. He sells things on a phone. One day he makes a million dollar deal, which would be quite impressive except for the fact that he offers his client a 50% discount. Now, I'm no math-surgeon but last time I checked, if 50% is 1 million dollars, he's given them  A MILLION DOLLARS OFF. So... theres that.

Next we meet Nathalie. She's an attractive blonde model (original!) who has inexplicably landed a job as a Victoria's Secret model. The cover model. Her resulting level of excitement: Moderate.
(Like when you got a B- on a test.)

Rod and Nathalie have a trivial past, as they attended the same high school. Isn't that squeak?

Now, incase you thought that Rod's 50% deal was his financial highlight of the film, you are so wrong.
As we learn in a board meeting with the few employees of this software company, they have just been bought out for a billion dollars! Yep, a billion. And yet again, the level of excitement: Moderate.

*Confused about the lack of birds? Wait!  Birdemic: Shock and Terror does not reveal the nasty multitude of villains until at least halfway through this colossal letdown. After our two love-birds check into a sleazy motel and Nat gets down to her undies.
**I did wonder if they were in fact Vicky's Secret but ultimately it doesn't matter. Just like this movie!

Moving on.

With no explanation at all, the birds begin to attack. And apart from the exploding birds that appear at the gas station, the level of danger: Moderate.
Apparently all you need in this situation, should it eventually occur, are coat-hangers and a Chevy Astro with a couple guns in the trunk. (As seen in the clip)
Consider yourself forewarned...

Now, if you're expecting a major twist in the plot, you shall be left wanting. The closest we come is an old dude on a beach that has figured out that the birds are apparently eco-warriors battling humankind over climate change? They're totally friendly if you refrain from using any technology? Hmm... ya right, they probably just want to drive that guys rockin' Chevy Astro and pick up chicks. #birdpuns

Oh ya, it's only 90 minutes and it just ends. So... there's that too.

Overall I would recommend that you never watch this movie. Better to find a child who has made a video for a class project or something (age: unimportant) and watch it on repeat for like 90 minutes straight. Seriously.

Evidently I was too late informing the planet and they went ahead and made a sequel.
Please stay tuned for the release of Birdemic 2: The Resurrection later this year (2013).
Double Seriously.

Now I'm going to go fold all my shirts and free up some bird-murderin' coat-hangers.
I suggest you do the same.

- Uncle Ez